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I ruin people. They either crumble like sand under my burdens or drown in my seas of sorrow. People do not understand that when I shut them out, they are dodging a bullet.
And I am so sorry to the people I let in - I am selfish.
i am a death sentence, e.m (via b0thers)
Oct 21, 2014 / 879 notes

1. My mother used to say that sadness is always temporary, and I’m trying real goddamn hard to keep that in mind but it’s hard when I’ve felt like I’ve been stuck in a storm for years now. It just keeps on raining and pouring and my heart is flooding and not a single person realizes just how close I am to drowning. My friends tell me to “forget about it” or to “just cheer up”, and if I hear somebody say the word “smile” as if it’s a demand that’s easily obeyed one more time, I might just throw up.

2. Last year, when I asked one of my teachers if I could be excused from an exercise through tears and a broken heart, she got mad at me for “not co-operating.” When I refused to do what she asked, she sent me out of the class and told me not to come back. If I had been bleeding or puking or anything else that was tangible, odds are she would’ve let me sit there and recover. I’m sick and tired of depression being treated like a made up excuse. It hurts, it hurts so bad and I pray to fuck that in ten years from now sadness will be a viable excuse for staying home from school or work because sometimes, we all need a day to collect ourselves and stitch our pulled seams back together.

3. At a family dinner six months ago my uncle overheard me and a cousin discussing white ink tattoos, and how beautiful it was that they resembled scars so closely. After listening to this, he said “But then you would look like a cutter.” It shattered my heart to hear those words, wrapped so tightly in judgement and disgust. Being someone who self harms does not make you weak or pitiful or appalling. It makes you fragile, and people need to understand that you’ll only get strong if they’re patient as your scars heal up.

4. When I was thirteen, I decided to show a close friend the cuts that were wrapped around my thighs like ribbons. While I pulled down the side of my leggings, my heart was in a glass case. When she asked me why “I didn’t just stop doing it”, the case smashed hard and fast. Secrets are painful to hold, but telling them and receiving such negative reactions, lacking both understanding and sympathy, hurts a whole goddamn more.

5. A razor or scale can draw you in and grab hold of you just as tightly as a bottle or a baggie can. My aunt, an alcoholic and a beautiful woman, often lectures me on how bad addiction can get. She has no idea what I’ve been through or how I’ve felt, and I appreciate her words but I know that occasionally, they aren’t true. “It’s not as bad as it looks, a lot of the time.”, she’ll say with a bottle in hand. But it is. Fuck, it is.
If we lived in a world where sadness was understood to be a sickness, then there would probably be a whole lot less of it.

I was sad, and it wasn’t pretty, but neither were the words that others said to me (via u-u-tf)
Oct 21, 2014 / 363 notes
No amount of sleep can cure the tiredness I feel.
Oct 21, 2014 / 1,178 notes
I hope the wifi always connects for you,
I hope every pizza you ever eat is free,
I hope you never feel like you’ve got no friends,
I hope your dream is never called stupid.
I hope your eyeliner is always on point,
I hope you smile when you look in the mirror,
I hope you always have good hair days,
Especially when you bump into your ex.
I hope small children think you’re a princess,
I hope you never get mocked when you’re anxious,
I hope every phone call you make isn’t scary,
I hope the voices in your head are silent.
I hope your jeans never go baggy at the knee,
And that you card is never declined,
I hope you never get writers block,
I hope you meet hundreds of happy dogs.
I hope you’re happy,
Always happy,
You deserve it.
I hope you’re happier than you thought you’d ever ever be. (via lilith-not-eve)
Oct 21, 2014 / 305 notes
Oct 21, 2014 / 597 notes

A Story A Day #289 // 10-18-14 by Ming D. Liu
Oct 21, 2014 / 972 notes

A Story A Day #289 // 10-18-14 by Ming D. Liu

(via mingdliu)

“Home is where the heart is,” they say, but
I can’t find my heart. No wonder I never feel
at home. I get caught in bed sheets and bad
dreams about the past, pictures and memories
slap me in the face even when I’m asleep.

There’s no escape really, I use to drown in
my tears at midnight and wake up alive. Now
I realize I’m in over my head, slowly suffocating
myself with unsaid words and crowded thoughts.
Things I cannot, will not, don’t even know how to
actually say, are what bug me every single day of
every week. Leaving the house doesn’t even help
anymore, because I just want to fall back into the
waves I call covers and sleep just to forget, but
really to remember, what I’m running from.

You know, you live in a house with family, but really
what is family? I don’t remember anymore, because
it’s more like strangers you know really well, just
not enough to tell them you’re slowly dying inside
your mind. I’ve had longer conversations with
sleeping pills and the walls of my bedroom. At
least their silence doesn’t make you feel like
you’re fucking insane.

“I’m fine,” has just become the default of, “I wish
you’d stop asking, you don’t really care.”
Or maybe it’s because I’m too tired to explain what’s
wrong, or how I feel, because I live it every waking
moment. Maybe it’s the thought they would know by
looking into my lifeless eyes, there’s nothing there.
Maybe it’s the urge to tell my mother the
first time my skin was kissed, it was by the razor,
then realizing how pathetic I really am. Or maybe it’s
just the sadness talking, I don’t really know anymore.

i.c. // "What’re you running from?" (via delicatepoetry)
Oct 21, 2014 / 1,314 notes
sicklysatisfied:

∞ Are You Satisfied? ∞
Oct 21, 2014 / 1,538 notes

sicklysatisfied:

∞ Are You Satisfied? ∞

Oct 21, 2014 / 49,688 notes

35-24-35
Oct 21, 2014 / 6,778 notes
nevver:

Last Exit to Broooklyn
Oct 21, 2014 / 3,743 notes
stophatingmyself:

oh-my-quad:

ohfortheloveoffitnesss:

Perfection.

Those are seriously the most perfect bananas i’ve ever seen i mean LOOK AT THE COLOR OF THEM and the shape and…


😍😍😍😍 I’m in looooooove
Oct 21, 2014 / 12,393 notes

stophatingmyself:

oh-my-quad:

ohfortheloveoffitnesss:

Perfection.

Those are seriously the most perfect bananas i’ve ever seen i mean LOOK AT THE COLOR OF THEM and the shape and…

😍😍😍😍 I’m in looooooove

(via beskinnyintheend)

Oct 21, 2014 / 151,503 notes

supernatural-tardis:

i had a crush on this guy and i decided to pull a Pavlov on him by offering him whenever i saw him  this brand of candy he seemed to really like and after a while whenever he saw me he got excited for a second then you could see his expression shift to wondering the why the hell was he so happy to see me and i swear it was the evilest thing but also the most hilarious i made a guy like me by conditioning him into associating me to a candy he liked

(via beskinnyintheend)

Oct 21, 2014 / 981,882 notes

darrenstummy:

the more sexual and inappropriate you are with me the better we’ll get along

(via beskinnyintheend)

Oct 21, 2014 / 152,164 notes

When you do something embarrassing in front of people

image

(via beskinnyintheend)